"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
