when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
