is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
