Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
