so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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