I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
