gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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