Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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