??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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