I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
