My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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