What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
