two words: eviction party
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
