I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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