I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
