the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
