He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
