i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
