you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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