please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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