Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
