he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
