Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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