her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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