I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
