I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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