Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
