how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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