his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
