That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had sex on a roof
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
