the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
