Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
