Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
