Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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