Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
