ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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