i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
