we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the day after is always just damage control
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
