Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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