I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
