I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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