you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
