Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
