I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
