Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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