Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
