So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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