This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im holly from the hills drunk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
