You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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