Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Two words: nipple clamps
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